2am Blog Post

It is after 1:30am and I am wide awake. I guess that's what friends and a movie on a weekend will do! They fell asleep. I'm a sucker for action movies, so I didn't. My loyal sister Angel stayed up and watched it with me at least.

So where does life have me these days?
Well, my one best friend was married two weeks ago, and the other got engaged to my brother one week ago.
So... pretty much bridesmaid duty. X2. Wedding planning. It is oober exciting (oober is SUCH a ridiculous word but fits somehow)! I am so thrilled for both of them, and watch with a big, stupid, giggling grin on my face as their happiness grows daily.

It is a whirlwind of life and happiness and love in abundance, and I wonder what I will do when this next wedding is all said and done and the dust settles on the heels of their honeymoon. They will be beginning with their married lives. And I will be moving on with my single life.
I don't know what to make of the idea, really. My childhood friends, my brother...married? Already?
Something of a melancholy thought. Not a horrible one, just... different.
And now more than ever I see me, God and a whole lot of the great U-- the great UNKNOWN.

I know what comes next, to an extent. Or maybe I only think I do.
The next phase of my life doesn't look like roses and rings to me, but a step into an ocean of new, wonderfully intriguing, incredibly challenging and unexplainably awesome things. Another small stroke of the brush on the canvas of my life. I am fairly caught up in the planning and logistics of this whole business of marriage, but in my peripheral vision I see someone waiting. Not my knight on horseback (who I believe one day really will come, but I'm not waiting around for that day doing nothing) but the Love of my life nonetheless.
He is watching, with His blessing, yet there is an unspoken agreement, a mutual desire between us. There has been for years.

So what do I see coming next for me?
Ministry. A trip overseas eventually. A lot of work here as usual, little glamor. And a lot of reward. Very fulfilling.
I'm excited for the adventure on the horizon! It will take time to finally all be here, be real, be happening. But come on. It will have been 22 years of waiting, seeking, knocking, pursuing- what's a little longer?
Please be praying for me as I approach this new phase in my life!

Considering it is now after 2am, I reckon I better sleep. Blessings!

Blessed Are Those

"God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for Him, for the kingdom of God is theirs.

God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.

God blessed those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.

God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.

God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs."

This familiar passage stood out to me tonight.

For some time now I have desired to do missions work overseas, and I struggle with being patient through this season of preparation, waiting, gathering resources.
Most days I am content. I am blessed to work with children on a regular basis and it keeps me happy and fulfilled. For the past 6 months or so I also had the opportunity to care for my Great Grandmother as she needed more and more care. I held her hand till her fingers grew too stiff to bend without pain, and was at her side when she passed. It was a joy to have this opportunity, and I knew I was needed at home.

Yet still deep in my heart is this burden for the children overseas who are so desperate for love and care, and the desire to use my gifts in photography to bring awareness to so many in my country and others that are oblivious to their cries.

And this passage is an agreement, a promise, in many ways.

"God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

He will comfort us as we mourn my GG's passing.

"God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied."

I will see His justice fulfilled.

"Praise the Lord, all you nations. Praise Him, all you people of the earth. For He loves us with unfailing love; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever. Praise the Lord! " -Psalm 117

Single for Christmas

It's that time of year again!

When extended families get together again under one roof and husbands and wives determine once again to get along with their inlaws for the sake of the Christmas spirit. Friends, family and coworkers exchange gifts and those brave volunteers stand outside Wally World ringing their bells in the freezing cold wishing all a Merry Christmas... ah, it must indeed be the holiday season.
But for some, the spirit of the season isn't so quick in coming. Whether it be the loss of a loved one and coping with the reality of traditions of the past that must now be broken and learning to live and be happy again, or a loved one is deployed overseas and you feel alone. Whatever the case may be, I pray you are not alone in the physical, and know you are not alone at heart.
But today, something I wish to write about as I feel it keenly this season, is the dreaded "S" word. Maybe not the one you're thinking of. I speak of Singleness.
I am incredibly happy for my friends and acquaintances who have found happiness and joy in a relationship--one of my friends became engaged today! I smile and rejoice in their excitement.
Yet here I (and I know I'm not alone in this) sit alone in my room, reminded once again of my singleness. It isn't so bad, really. Usually I am quite happy. But sometimes, even I am lonely and desire what I see so many of my dear friends experiencing. And I ask myself the inevitable: WHY?

Why do I concern myself about abstinence, about purity of heart as well as mind and body?
Why not go out with a new guy as often as it might take to find a "decent" one?
Why do I care? Even the majority of the "Christians" I know are or have been very inappropriately involved with the opposite sex, many without regret, most without true repentance (remember repentance=change of direction).

One answer that comes to mind is obvious--I desire to save myself for my future husband, and to be faithful to him not just after marriage but before. That is a good reason.
Buuuuut not good enough for me.
Because reason asks (and I must be honest with myself), "well what if you never marry? What if the man you DO marry made mistakes in his past and hasn't saved himself for you? What if?"
And then, in search of an answer, my focus shifts deeper. To the heart. My heart.
Yes, I want to give myself only to my husband one day and will be faithful to him to the best of my ability even now, and regardless of whether he has done the same for me.
But the most important thing must not be forgotten, or else all purpose in waging war on desire and temptation which leads to sin is lost and I am overcome. I must remember this timeless, unchanging truth:
I may not be a bride by the world's standards. While my friends discuss their gowns, bouquet selections and future lives with their husbands-to-be I do my best to share in their excitement. I truly am so happy for them! Their happiness is a dream come true for me too.
But I'm not in their shoes.
Yet despite the world's standards, I AM a bride. By the standards of the One who means more to me than the entire world.
You see, I walked down the aisle for the first time when I was a little girl. I said my vows, and was joined forever to my Savior, Jesus Christ. So my commitment to be faithful is to Him first and foremost. All else... well, it's just the frosting on the cake.
My eyes are on His love, and it is enough. Because I choose to love Him.
                                                       Even IF.

So if you're like me, and still seem to be going at it alone, remember that:

One, you aren't alone. Jesus waits at the altar of your heart. Say your vows. Renew them if you need to. He's there, waiting.
Two, you are complete in Him! You are not half a person just because you're only half a couple! Find what He has for you and run after Him. It might just involve a significant other, but there's only one way to find out.
Three, your commitment is to Him first. Your value is not dependent on any man.
And lastly, His grace and power are sufficient. He will not tempt beyond what you can bear. I know it isn't easy. I would be dishonest if I said it was. But it doesn't have to be like a trip to the dentist office every day of your life.
Go. Drink some hot chocolate, steal one of Santa's cookies (I KNOW he won't notice or care), join your family, find a friend. You'll be okay, I promise. :)

Why do I Write? –Words From a Chatterbox

Sometimes, it seems pointless to write. Only few–if any–read what I write. But it helps me sort my thoughts, I simply enjoy it and somehow feel like I grow from it. If someone else happens  to learn from it or is blessed in some way–wonderful!

Today I watched these two short videos from GFA (Gospel For Asia). Very inspiring. It has encouraged me to reach those around me, even if I don't get any responses right away. I especially like the story in the 2nd video, about Joseph. Even though I live in a "Christian" country, I think many of the struggles are the same. If you can find time to watch them, I very much encourage you to do so!
                                                                              (Part 1)

(Part 2)

NOTE: I don't know how many different parts there are to this series, but I know there are more than the first two that I watched.

While I'm Waiting

Lately I have been discovering the beauty in weakness, struggles, and in the face of uncertainty. In the midst of feeling totally inadequate I find myself relying all the more on my Lord. And I realize, that the harder life gets, the more I cling to the promises in His word, and the closer He draws me to Himself.
If you could have peeked into my world at the right moment yesterday you would have found me searching scripture for promises and encouragement, scribbling verses down on a piece of paper and putting that paper in my pocket to carry with me through the day. Today found me transferring the paper to my jeans pocket. I will put them below. Maybe you'll find encouragement in them, also.

Psalm 29:11
"The Lord will give strength to His people,
the Lord will bless His people with peace."


Psalm 27:1, 14
"The Lord is my Light and my Salvation; Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"


"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, wait, I say, on the Lord!"


Psalm 28:8
"The Lord is the strength of His people, a fortress of salvation for His anointed one."


John 1:18
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."


Psalm 34:4
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."


It isn't that my life has been incredibly trying or difficult of late; if I were to compare it with others I would say I have it fairly easy. But right now I am facing the unknown, and that is a big part of my struggle. I'm uncertain about a lot of things in my future and for the most part just trying to take life one day at a time, relying on God for the strength to get through each new challenge the day presents. I want desperately to take full advantage of these single years by serving Him in ways that I might find it hard to serve in if/when I am married, but I'm uncertain how that might come into play in my life specifically. I have been seeking His will and at the same time serving Him in the one way I do know He desires: Right here. Right now. The song "While I'm waiting" by John Waller comes to mind.
Sure, the little things may not seem so important to others. But they're important to Him! I'll be posting some of what I've been/will be doing here on my blog.

Blessings to you!

                                           Victoria Christine

Old Heart, New Heart

My heart was unclean, dirty and full of sin. Even when I managed to hide it from some, I knew–and One other knew–that inside, I was a mess. Scars from past mistakes telling the stories I found too painful to speak of, even at my young age I was headed down a dangerous road.    

Everything I sought to fix the condition I was in only made things worse, adding even more scars and brokenness to my condition. My heart gave in as the habits proved stronger, leaving me broken and ashamed.

My habits and sinful tendencies held me down and I was not free to live the life I so desperately desired. I saw the beautiful hearts of others, and jealousy filled my own. Among other things, Hate, Envy and Dishonesty grew in abundance, while I saw in other's heart's Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-control.

Then one day, I swallowed my pride enough to approach one that I knew possessed a clean heart such as I so desired. The joy in their heart was evident as they told me about the Maker of Hearts. I was told that He could do more than heal my scars, He could give me a brand new heart, free of charge. But I had to come to Him admitting my own failures and shortcomings, acknowledging my inability to fix myself. I had to place my heart in His hands and trust that He knew what He was doing, that the work He had done and would do for me was sufficient. With nowhere else to turn, finally I gave my broken heart to this Heart-maker.
What I received in return, was oh, so much better than the heart I once possessed!

Pure, beautiful and new, it was more than I could have dreamed! That day I committed to allowing the Maker to continue the work He had begun in my new heart.

He planted a seed in my heart and as the Sonshine and His reign came, I learned what the seed was, and the purpose of my heart. 

Beautiful things began to grow and come out of the new heart He had given me; the seed began to produce in abundance. I learned that the whole purpose in having a new heart was that I could now sincerely love Him and love others, without the selfish motives and sinful desires that once plagued me and grew out of my old, sinful heart. 

I know what it is like to have an impure heart, full of darkness, choked with things that bring only pain and guilt. 

And now I know what it is like to have a pure heart, full of Light and the good things I was intended to have. 

Never, ever would I wish for my old heart back!

The Maker of Hearts is Jehovah, God the Creator of the universe.

The Seed that was planted in my heart is the Gospel.

What grew out of my new heart are the good things I once only saw in the lives of others: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control.

What has also grown in me is the desire that all would see through my life and story the opportunity to receive a new heart from the Maker, also. 

My life has been transformed by Him and I am eternally grateful for the new heart He have me! 

If you would like to know more about anything I've said here, please, PLEASE contact me with any questions you may have.