You are Bad

You are an evil, immoral person.

You sin; you think, say, do awful things.

You make mistakes. Sometimes you intentionally do wrong, just because you want to and it feels good. Not everyone sees your faults. But you know. Your guilt and shame are without question. 

If you do not know Christ, I am describing you. Apart from Christ, I am describing me.

 This is where I was. We've all been there. Some of us still are. We all, at some point in our lives, were miserable, broken, sinful people. 

My heart is especially burdened and hurting for many of you today. If you don't know the joy, the peace, the freedom and, most importantly, the unfailing love of Jesus Christ, I ache for you. 

I don't want to be obnoxious. I don't want to be all up in your face and annoying. I hope you realize that and instead can hear the heart behind my words.

Today it's just especially hard to think about you, and the pain and suffering in your life. 

You see, I have pain. I suffer too.

Like you, often in ways most are unaware. But I have Jesus. I have hope. I have the love that never goes away. And that is how I go on despite life's curveballs. I don't know how I could function without the assurance of God's presence in my life.

I want you to know what I know. To feel His love, grace, comfort, and presence in your pain. I want you to know His forgiveness and freedom. What you try so hard to hide can be forgiven, and God CAN redeem that situation. He won't leave you broken and chained. It isn't His way. He wants to see you thriving and living a life of purity.

::sigh:: I can't even express the love that God has put in my heart. For the abortionist, the homosexual, the adulterer, the thief, the liar, the idolator... everyone. I don't care how bad you think you are--or how bad you truly are--I love you. And that love is from God. He loves you even more than I do. 

There is hope. There is peace. There is joy. There is love. Find it in God. 

~Victoria Christine 

My Cross

I'm pretty sure that if you could capture the inner dialogue between myself and God, it would go something like this:

"God, how do I know you won't fail me?"

God: "I've never failed you before."

Me: "But how do I know I can trust you? You've allowed hurt/pain before."

God: "I told you that in this world you will suffer, but that I have overcome the world. You know this. 

But this world is not the end. In it you will experience pain. Even I suffered, and I am God. It was a choice. If you follow Me, there will be pain. You will choose pain. As my follower you must live as I have lived, and love as I have loved. You must sacrifice yourself. Not just your actions, but your heart too."

Me: "But love hurts!"

God: "Trust Me, I know. Love hurts. I endured that hurt for you, and for everyone. But the love and joy you will know in Me as my follower is worth the pain, I am worth the pain. 

And when I call you home, you will be an heir with Me in my kingdom, and there will be no more pain. 'Sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.'

I love you. Do you love Me?"

Me: "Yes"

God: "Then take up your cross and follow me. 

Let me ask again, do you love me?"

Me: "Yes."

God: "Then love others. 

Trust me, even when it hurts. And I promise you it will hurt. But I will be with you, and so also will my love.

When you were younger, you trusted me more fully. 'I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.' Love me like you once did. Trust me like you once did. I haven't changed, it is you that have changed." 

At times I think I've finally surrendered, and then I find myself clinging to self-preservation and I realize what Jesus meant by taking up your cross "daily." 

Every. Single. Day. Of. My. Life. is a new day of surrender. Of losing my life to find it. If it didn't hurt, it wouldn't be a cross. 

Everyone's cross may look a little different and may change over time (though we are all called to love), but all those who follow Christ carry one. 

My cross today is my heart and emotions--open, bleeding, broken for the cause of love. Letting life and love hurt. Being honest and vulnerable, instead of building walls in an effort to keep myself from feeling hurt and pain. 

My dad gave an illustration during our family bible time recently that stuck with me. 

It was something like this:

"There is 'I.'"

 ::writes the letter "I" on the white board:: 

"And then Jesus said 'Nope.'" 

::draws a line through the 'I' as if to cross it out (no pun intended), making the shape of a cross:: 

What does your cross look like? 

Pray

"Dear Lord,

Here I am. I'm really tired, Master, but here I am. I don't know what You want. I don't understand why I keep waking up. It has taken me nearly two weeks to realize you might be whispering my name in the dark of the night. Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening. Speak, and speak clearly, for I am hard of hearing."

And speak He did. Not audibly. But His comfort and love was evidenced as the sky began to brighten and daylight fast approached (and I honestly inwardly and perhaps outwardly may have groaned a bit).

For nearly two weeks I have been waking up, without fail, in the early morning hours. I've grumbled, complained, moped, and become irritable throughout it all. I think the latest I have woken up has been 6 or 6:30 two or three times--and one of those times was after being awake till 3. I even woke up suddenly from a dream once, and I distinctly remember smiling as I woke up for no apparent reason. 

Finally, yesterday I decided I was done. If I was going to wake up, I was going to wage war on hell. I half-wondered if irony would have me sleep in, but no, my eyes opened promptly and suddenly at 5:02am as if someone had flipped a switch... after not closing in sleep till sometime after midnight (that was some lightning last night!). 

So why am I writing this? I'm not entirely sure. But pray for me. 

In the midst of this time of my internal alarm blaring at crazy hours of the night, I am burdened with prayer. 

Don't just pray for me, pray with me. If you find yourself at a loss as to what to pray for, I'll gladly help you out. 

Our families, communities, country--our world--needs it. I attended a regional conference last week (along with about 700 others) close to our nation's capital that was set up to bring awareness to worldwide persecution. The persecuted church needs prayer. Just days later a man walked into a church and out of pure hate murdered people gathering to study the bible.

Pray for those who lost family members and friends in the Charlestown shooting. 

 

The millions of innocent lives being murdered through this procedure called "abortion" should break our hearts and bring us to our knees in agony.

 We need to pray. Maybe not at 5am every morning. But pray. 

If there is any part of your heart that cares, pray. And if you don't care enough, pray, and ask God to change your heart. Ask Him to break your heart for the things that break His. 

Pray. 

Narrow Minded

This began as a journal entry, and I thought "Why not blog it?" So here I am.

I just read Matthew 7. I encourage you to read it. It is so intense! The reality of what Jesus said... should we not tremble? If our faith is securely planted on the "bedrock" He speaks of, so wonderful! But what of others? What of your aunt, friend, coworker or child? They are destined for eternal separation from God! How can we discuss trivial things day after day, and totally dismiss the urgency of the gospel?

Knowing that "the gateway to life is very narrow," ought we not to be absolutely certain this message we preach, this gospel we present, is more than a simple prayer uttered for the alleviation of guilt or fear? Are we truly leading people to the narrow gate, or are they merely walking to and peering through it? I am fearful for the many that I see whose lives do not testify to the heart change they claim. Whose "tree," as referenced in Matthew 7:20, does not produce fruit. 

As for me, personally, how much do I condone by silence? How much responsibility do I forsake by giving silent approval? There is some part of what I condone by silence that I am personally responsible for, and I am genuinely concerned for that part I play, for I will be judged for it. 

Let me clarify that in saying all of the above I am not suggesting in any way that we gain salvation through "works." The moment we believe that is the moment we forsake the grace and peace of the work of the gospel in our hearts and lives. 

But as in the words of Paul "Shall we continue in sin so that grace may abound? Certainly not!"

But more than in the act of attempting to abuse the cross of Christ, consider the dangerous results/possibilities of such an attempt!

True heart change leads to true life change. If a life is not changed; if the passions, desires, actions, words, and pursuits show no alteration of course congruent with the proclamation of Christ as Lord, I begin to wonder at the sincerity and truth of the proclamation. Would Christ look at me--or you--and say "There is she/he that follows Me. They are my disciple"? 

Think of it this way: If a person was slowly dying due to heart failure, and received a heart transplant, would we consider the operation a success if the patient did not show signs of life/improvement?

Would we consider it hope for success if he died? Of course not! 

So it is with a spiritual change of heart. It will take time and healing and determination for every symptom of the effects of the old heart to diminish, and some may never go away entirely, but you would expect and seek consistent rehabilitation of functions, and lay the foundation for new habits, would you not?

I simply ask that we make an honest evaluation of our own hearts, and the way in which we present (or condone the presentation of) the gospel. It is so vital. So important! 

"Not everyone who calls out to Me 'Lord! Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven." 

"Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves." 

Please, my friends, this is not something we can afford to get wrong. I want to spend forever with you and Jesus!

Sincerely, 

Victoria Christine

 

I Am Enough

"God is (more than) enough."

I wonder how many times I will come back to this truth before I die? Probably too many times to count. 

I seem to be reminded of it weekly, if not daily, now. 

Every relationship fails me. Everyone, young or old, friend or acquaintance, family member or stranger, lets me down. 

Except my Lord. 

I feel I reiterate this repeatedly. Because God speaks it to me repeatedly. Because I NEED Him to remind me constantly.  

When I lie in bed awake at night lonely, broken and confused:"I am enough."

When another friend or family member lets me down: "I am enough." 

When death claims yet another: "I am enough."

When I am called to walk in the unknown: "I am enough."

When I am sick or in pain: "I am enough."

When I am buried in shame: "I am enough."

When I am in need: "I am enough."

Over. And over. And over. And over. Again and again. And it never ceases to be the most precious reminder, the greatest of delights, the sweetest of promises. It reminds me of something my dad taught me as a child in relation to God commanding us to have no other gods before Him: "He's not just saying 'thou shalt not,' He's saying 'You can have Me.'"

When He says "no" to something lesser, He is saying "yes" to something greater; "You can have Me."

Oh how delightful is this truth! In Him is fullness of joy. In Him is soul-satisfying love and the fulfillment of the deepest of desires. And what greater gift is there, what greater answer to every prayer of anguish; every pain, every need, every desire, every agonizing circumstance, than God Himself? In Him is the culmination of every good thing. Oh my soul--be NOT cast down within me, for the Satisfier of Souls has made His claim upon thee. 

Dwell on this today: God is enough. 

This song came to mind as I was considering these things this morning. It's an "oldie but goodie" as some would say (haha and others would say it isn't an oldie, but you get my drift--it's not exactly new). 

http://youtu.be/EW-toYBiF8o

Announcing...

Well folks, I have an announcement! I've hinted at this here and there, but I think it's time to spill the beans: 

I've been given an exciting opportunity in Michigan involving multiple passions and interests, with great potential for learning and personal growth. After much thought, prayer and counsel from those nearest me, I feel I've been given clear direction and that God has led me to seize the opportunity, so I am excited to announce that I will be heading to MI the end of this month for a 2 month stay–through February and March–and will be working alongside a team of other young ladies on the costuming and production of a highschool play (The Wizard of Oz).
This was no small decision for me; for multiple reasons, but one big one being that I've never been away from home for more than two weeks and I will also be going without my family. There have already been tears and a bit of heartache involved, but I have peace that this is the right decision, and I go with the full blessing and support of my parents/family (which is huge for me).

From the practical/business side of things, I have a few openings for a session here and there (if the weather cooperates) before I leave. Remember that I'll need to have time for editing/processing, so if you're interested in a session, contact me ASAP. I will be returning to my business in April (and intend to carry my camera with me to MI of course!).

I will seriously miss many of you, and I hope to see most of my local peeps before I leave! Hit me up if you'd like to go out for coffee (I've actually been drinking that stuff! Not black, but coffee nonetheless) or something. And if you would, be in prayer for myself and my family as I prepare to take this exciting new step! 

If you have any questions, shoot me a text or PM on Facebook and I will get to them as I am able!

Sincerely, 

Victoria Christine

The Gift

Flashbacks.

One never knows when they'll make an appearance. Like uninvited strangers in the night, they invade your life and come unexpectedly, disrupting the calm, abolishing tranquility; painful reminders of things you'd thought you had left far behind. 

One such invader met me at the door of my heart last night. It caught me off guard, and it's been on my mind on and off ever since. But this morning as I stood in church, surrounded by hundreds of voices lifted in chorus of praise, I thought about the memories. The deep, dark times in my past that I fumbled for the smallest flame to illuminate my path. And I saw in every flashback, every memory, every nightmare and hellish reality: There was a shadow not my own. A hand upon my shoulder. Arms wrapped around me. A whisper in my heart. Tears shed, sorrows shared. Love. The presence of Another; the extent of whose comfort I can not begin to describe. Praise God I came to know this One early in life!

My dear brothers and sisters, our Father is so faithful! I don't say this as a "pat" answer to the problems, complexities, and horrors of this life. I say it because it's true. I've been there. I've not had a tragic life. But there have been tragedies in my life. There have been hard times. I know there will be more. But He is closer everyday. His presence is so dearly felt; His joy, His peace, the contentment He brings. The love I feel from Him and towards Him... It overflows more and more! I can't imagine how much still sweeter He will become and it thrills me to no end! 

I want you to know that you can HAVE this! You can know this peace, this joy and this love. Were it that I might have the ability to gift wrap it and send it to you this Christmas! Because if there was anything I could do for you, anything in the world I could give, it would not be a winning lottery ticket. If wouldn't be the next Apple product. It probably wouldn't even be on your wish list. This I would give first and most joyously! 

Look for Him! He is not hiding from you. Pray that He will open your eyes and that You will see Him. He does love you, and ever so much! 

This season of giving, I will pray that you know the peace, joy, love and comfort of our Father in the midst of whatever it is you are facing! 

Pursue Him. Fall in love with Him as I have. There's nothing on earth that compares to knowing Him. Receive the best gift of Emmanuel, God with us. Because He is the ONE gift you'll never tire of. The ONE gift that truly keeps giving. He is priceless.

I Am Here

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. 

I listen to the ticking of the clock joining in the symphony of eight little ones resting peacefully on their cots. 

This is my life these days. It isn't glamor, it's not a rock show (except when little hands decide rocks look cool airborne), and it isn't all bliss. It's tying those shoes for the millionth time, holding the tearful child, cleaning up the mess from the one who somehow managed to spill both a cup of hot (warm) chocolate and a cup of milk on herself in the same day (she must be related to me!).

But it's where God has me. And here I am content, here I am blessed. 

Editing has also taken up much of my time at home as I am coming out of the busiest season in my photography business to date. 

While it has its perks, being self-employed for me usually amounts to kicking myself in the pants to become motivated when I don't feel like sitting at the computer for another hour during crunch time. 

But it's where God has me. And here I am content, here I am blessed. 

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do!  The little tantrums and boogie noses and accidents are often followed by the sweetest hugs, cutest notes, and sincerest apologies. The hours of editing are rewarded with the happy tears of a client, the making of new friendships and building up of old ones, and the satisfaction of a job well done, among many other things. 

I challenge you to do what I am doing in this quiet moment: 

Appreciate the little things. There are little blessings all around you. Find them, take joy in them, thank God for them. Laugh at your little failings (awkward moments, anyone?) and allow yourself the grace God extends to you. In doing so you extend to others the freedom to do the same. 

Take delight in where God has placed you and seek fulfillment and contentment in Him. The rewards of a life content in His will are priceless! 

It may not be glamorous, it may not be great in the eyes of the world. But it's where God has me. And here I am content, here I am blessed. 

Chatter brought to you by Victoria Christine <3 

On Words and Worth

"You're ugly."

Shocked and dismayed, I glanced up at the young girl of 8 or so who had carelessly uttered the words.

"That was rude!" I responded, never much one to be less than direct myself. Even still, I was surprised and caught off guard by the unkind words directed toward me. I can imagine what my mother's response would have been if I had done or said something of that sort at this girl's age and it wouldn't have been anything close to an enjoyable experience for me.

She attempted to shrug it off with a less than heartfelt apology when I told her she ought to, but I persisted with something along the lines of "How would you like it if I said you were ugly? You're not, but how would you like it?" 

She stubbornly insisted that she would not care for several moments before finally blurting out with a healthy dose of passion "Someone at school bullied me and said I was ugly."

Ah, the truth. Finally something to go on. 

I spent the next few minutes attempting to undo the damage that had been done to her heart. But really, there is no undoing it. I can only hope that my words were something of a healing ointment as I told her how God sees her and I see her, etc. 

I came away with some lessons perhaps I already knew but that were reiterated in my heart and head through this experience and all throughout my day today that I would like to express:

1. Be careful with words. Despite the old saying (you know the one), words CAN hurt.

2. Grace. Grace. GRACE! While obviously this young one was downright rude, it was also obvious there is something deeper going on. We don't know everyone's hearts. "Hurting people hurt people" is SO true! I'm grateful that I worked through it instead of simply putting her in time-out. What a great opportunity for growth for the both of us!

3. Forgive. When people offend you, forgive. If you don't, their words are still allowed to fester in your heart and hurt you continuously.

4. Ask for forgiveness/apologize when you've offended others. Even if you feel you did no wrong, the fact remains that someone was offended and relationships with those we care about are worth SO much more than our pride. I had to do this recently to reconcile with a family member. No fun, but so necessary. Slowly but surely my Father is working on me in the area of being sensitive to others needs, especially when they vary from my own and I might not understand them.

5. Build others up. This is especially needed in regard to parents of young daughters, but really is applicable to everyone. 

So your daughter is loved, accepted, and beautiful. How often do you tell her? She is faced with so many negative messages about herself and needs you to show her the truth about how God sees her or there will be serious negative repercussions in her life as she matures into an adult. Have those conversations about her life at school or among her friends. She may be too embarrassed or ashamed to broach the subject herself. Talk about bullying. Bullied or abused kids often become bullying or abusive adults. Deal with it now or you will be sorry. 

6. Know the truth of God's word and teach it so that you might identify and help others to identify that which is not and disregard it.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him."

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

"Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

http://youtu.be/anVweXDcxhA

The Accident and the Struggle

"How can we pray for you?"

If I were to be honest I would say that sometimes I find this question annoying. But recently the question was put to me and at this point the analogy that comes to mind in remembering the conversation is that of someone throwing a life preserver to a person in an ocean just trying to keep their head above water. I'm not one to cry in front of people if I can help it. If I feel as if I'm going to lose control of my emotions I seek privacy. But occasionally, I am too broken and it is unavoidable and incredibly necessary to lose control. This was one of those occasions.

"I just want to sleep." I blubbered like a baby as my voice barely held up to get the words out.
"But I don't know. Maybe not sleeping is better because not sleeping means not dreaming" I countered myself.

Have you ever been there? When the crickets are chirping, the lights are out and it feels like the world is one collective snore, but you're laying there, reminded of the caffeinated espresso owl in that Facebook meme.You know the one...

And in the quiet of the night, all the memories you've been able to set aside come rushing back like a flood and you find yourself drowning in the torrential onslaught of emotions you've been so carefully avoiding?

Dust settling, overturned vehicle. It took a moment for the scene in front of me to register. The pressing urgency within to assist in whatever way necessary. The agonizing wait, and longest traffic signal stop of my life. Pulling off to the side of the road. My family member's voice echoing in my head "I can't go. I'm staying here." as I turned on my hazards, grabbed my phone, jumped out of my truck and ran, with the sinking realization that the still form lying in the street was that of a man... the growing pool of blood, things I don't want to describe.

It all came back... still rushes back, though it was over a month ago... both clear as day yet somehow all a blur at the same time as some things stand out in my head but others I feel I should remember fade into background noise. What I've simply come to refer to as "The Accident" still comes to mind daily. It still breaks my heart. I still wonder, and doubt, and question, and struggle. One big relief is that I'm okay with that struggle now.

And I want you to know, that if you are there too, it is okay. 
You see, something God showed me awhile back that I'm understanding more everyday is that faith grows in the midst of trial. It is the very essence of what faith is. If faith requires no surrender to the Known in the midst of the unknown, is that really faith?

I don't understand why I'm alive instead of the man who lost his life that day. I know Jesus as my Savior and the love of my life and I am "ready to die." Not to be mistaken or confused with the desire to die, but I am okay with dying.
The man who from all appearances did not know the Lord passed away instead of me, before my eyes, when a few seconds made all the difference between him being in that accident instead of me. I don't understand why I pray–why I prayed–because the concept of God's sovereignty is one that seems to elude my understanding. But I know and knew then that it is beyond me to determine these things. I must simply be willing to say yes to that which the Lord asks of me, and in that moment, all I could do was pray. I prayed, I told that man that if he could hear me it wasn't too late to call on the name of Jesus. I asked for a miracle that day. I still wonder if the answer to my question was really "yes" even though it appeared to be "no." Because the greater miracle would not have been the sparing of his physical life, but that of his soul. I take some comfort in that, whether founded or unfounded I'm not sure.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

And that's OKAY. If you don't understand, that's okay too. I want to hold your hand in this, be the person unafraid to wrap their arms around you. "It's OKAY to cry." was also probably one of the most thoughtful, heartfelt statements expressed to me during the days immediately following The Accident, and I want to pass that liberating sentiment on to you. It's okay to NOT be okay with the pain you experience and to struggle deeply. Personally, I think it is healthy. It is a reminder that you're still a living, breathing soul who loves deeply and feels passionately. If we were meant to be unaffected by pain or grief, we'd be stones. Grief is such a complicated thing. There will be times of great happiness–don't feel guilty or obligated to end those moments. There will be times of immense sadness–that's okay too! Struggle is so painful but there is not a single struggle in my life that I have endured and now regret. It is part of what makes us who we are. It's the hug for your neighbor. The tears shared with a friend. The grace extended to the broken. Our struggles are what makes us stronger, more compassionate, more loving, more graceful. 

And the most beautiful part of it all is the presence. The peace He brings, the calm, the hope, the strength, the love, but most of all Himself. All else is secondary, He offers me Himself. 

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

I'm learning more about prayer every day. That God allows what He wills, and asks us to pray to change what he desires to change. What it comes down to is His plan and being in tune to His voice regarding it. 

I feel like this post is a mish-mash of thoughts, emotions, and convictions but it has been awhile in coming. I originally started it a week (or few) ago and it's been in my heart for longer but I wasn't ready to post yet. It has taken me awhile to be okay enough with it all to talk about it. I hope this makes it to someone's heart today and that maybe, just maybe, there is a purpose beyond what I can immediately see in what I experienced and am still experiencing. 

Many big Jesus hugs to those of you, especially, who are struggling right now! You aren't alone--or needn't be. Jesus wants to be there with you. Beyond that, feel free to contact me if you just want to talk or pray, whatever the case may be. Maybe we can go out for coffee (or hot cocoa or tea since I'm not a huge coffee fan myself, ironically). Peace!

Victoria Christine

 

A Season, or a Choice?

Hi there! 

My friends on Facebook lecture me about my long Facebook posts, so today I'm just skipping the lecture and blogging. Take THAT fb critics! ;) 

I have had a rather hectic life these days, with hardly a dull moment to catch my breath. It is difficult. Part of it is simply a season, but I also struggle to find time to devote to bible reading and personal prayer time and I don't like that. I am so tired and brain dead that it is hard to focus at the end of the day, and I find myself trying to squeeze in every minute of sleep time and thus barely leaving room for eating and essentials at the beginning of the day as well. 

But I must be honest with myself, is it a season, or a choice? I can MAKE time for just me and God, the same way I make time for other friends--and He is most important to me! I love my friends, but they can't take His place! 

And there's something that is echoing almost silently in my head, this nagging. I don't want my Savior to be an after thought. 

I want my LIFE to revolve around Him. Every moment, every breath, every thought, every decision big or small I want to be in light of the reality of His presence in my life. 

I'm not sure how to go about it, maybe I need someone to keep me accountable who will ask "How's your personal time with God been this week?" I don't know. But something has to give. I am surrounded by the Word in that I am involved in so many different groups and studies with friends (literally), but there's just something about that individual one-on-one time that cannot be replaced with group discussion. The same as with any other intimate relationship, that individual time is very necessary in order to thrive! 

In order to keep the perspective I desire I need to have that daily time of coming before my Lord, not just here and there whenever I get the chance. It needs to have priority, He needs to be priority in my life. I HAVE to have it. Like, really. I love when He sends me reminders that can be so hard, but so necessary. He brings me to my knees regarding a situation and I find myself thanking Him for the trial that brought me closer still to Himself and reminded me of my deep need for my Savior in my life. I need His saving power and grace every day of my life!

What scares me the most about "growing up" is the way adults seem to have lost the childlike simplistic faith that many formerly possessed as children. I don't want to grow out of that! I am conscious of this ever growing pressure from the world to fill every nook and cranny of my life with "good things" which slowly drowns out the will of the Father in me. He has a vision for me, and I have to be near to Him in order to perceive it, and in order to be near Him I have to remove all that comes between us! It is a never ending process of continuously making wise choices. 

So if you're the praying type--pray for me. I refuse to let God be an afterthought at the end of the day when I can't keep my eyes open any more. I refuse to give in to the busyness of society that seeks to come between me and the most important Person in my life! 

Will you stand with me and choose this way, His way, too?

2am Blog Post

It is after 1:30am and I am wide awake. I guess that's what friends and a movie on a weekend will do! They fell asleep. I'm a sucker for action movies, so I didn't. My loyal sister Angel stayed up and watched it with me at least.

So where does life have me these days?
Well, my one best friend was married two weeks ago, and the other got engaged to my brother one week ago.
So... pretty much bridesmaid duty. X2. Wedding planning. It is oober exciting (oober is SUCH a ridiculous word but fits somehow)! I am so thrilled for both of them, and watch with a big, stupid, giggling grin on my face as their happiness grows daily.

It is a whirlwind of life and happiness and love in abundance, and I wonder what I will do when this next wedding is all said and done and the dust settles on the heels of their honeymoon. They will be beginning with their married lives. And I will be moving on with my single life.
I don't know what to make of the idea, really. My childhood friends, my brother...married? Already?
Something of a melancholy thought. Not a horrible one, just... different.
And now more than ever I see me, God and a whole lot of the great U-- the great UNKNOWN.

I know what comes next, to an extent. Or maybe I only think I do.
The next phase of my life doesn't look like roses and rings to me, but a step into an ocean of new, wonderfully intriguing, incredibly challenging and unexplainably awesome things. Another small stroke of the brush on the canvas of my life. I am fairly caught up in the planning and logistics of this whole business of marriage, but in my peripheral vision I see someone waiting. Not my knight on horseback (who I believe one day really will come, but I'm not waiting around for that day doing nothing) but the Love of my life nonetheless.
He is watching, with His blessing, yet there is an unspoken agreement, a mutual desire between us. There has been for years.

So what do I see coming next for me?
Ministry. A trip overseas eventually. A lot of work here as usual, little glamor. And a lot of reward. Very fulfilling.
I'm excited for the adventure on the horizon! It will take time to finally all be here, be real, be happening. But come on. It will have been 22 years of waiting, seeking, knocking, pursuing- what's a little longer?
Please be praying for me as I approach this new phase in my life!

Considering it is now after 2am, I reckon I better sleep. Blessings!

Blessed Are Those

"God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for Him, for the kingdom of God is theirs.

God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.

God blessed those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.

God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.

God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs."

This familiar passage stood out to me tonight.

For some time now I have desired to do missions work overseas, and I struggle with being patient through this season of preparation, waiting, gathering resources.
Most days I am content. I am blessed to work with children on a regular basis and it keeps me happy and fulfilled. For the past 6 months or so I also had the opportunity to care for my Great Grandmother as she needed more and more care. I held her hand till her fingers grew too stiff to bend without pain, and was at her side when she passed. It was a joy to have this opportunity, and I knew I was needed at home.

Yet still deep in my heart is this burden for the children overseas who are so desperate for love and care, and the desire to use my gifts in photography to bring awareness to so many in my country and others that are oblivious to their cries.

And this passage is an agreement, a promise, in many ways.

"God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

He will comfort us as we mourn my GG's passing.

"God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied."

I will see His justice fulfilled.

"Praise the Lord, all you nations. Praise Him, all you people of the earth. For He loves us with unfailing love; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever. Praise the Lord! " -Psalm 117

Single for Christmas

It's that time of year again!

When extended families get together again under one roof and husbands and wives determine once again to get along with their inlaws for the sake of the Christmas spirit. Friends, family and coworkers exchange gifts and those brave volunteers stand outside Wally World ringing their bells in the freezing cold wishing all a Merry Christmas... ah, it must indeed be the holiday season.
But for some, the spirit of the season isn't so quick in coming. Whether it be the loss of a loved one and coping with the reality of traditions of the past that must now be broken and learning to live and be happy again, or a loved one is deployed overseas and you feel alone. Whatever the case may be, I pray you are not alone in the physical, and know you are not alone at heart.
But today, something I wish to write about as I feel it keenly this season, is the dreaded "S" word. Maybe not the one you're thinking of. I speak of Singleness.
I am incredibly happy for my friends and acquaintances who have found happiness and joy in a relationship--one of my friends became engaged today! I smile and rejoice in their excitement.
Yet here I (and I know I'm not alone in this) sit alone in my room, reminded once again of my singleness. It isn't so bad, really. Usually I am quite happy. But sometimes, even I am lonely and desire what I see so many of my dear friends experiencing. And I ask myself the inevitable: WHY?

Why do I concern myself about abstinence, about purity of heart as well as mind and body?
Why not go out with a new guy as often as it might take to find a "decent" one?
Why do I care? Even the majority of the "Christians" I know are or have been very inappropriately involved with the opposite sex, many without regret, most without true repentance (remember repentance=change of direction).

One answer that comes to mind is obvious--I desire to save myself for my future husband, and to be faithful to him not just after marriage but before. That is a good reason.
Buuuuut not good enough for me.
Because reason asks (and I must be honest with myself), "well what if you never marry? What if the man you DO marry made mistakes in his past and hasn't saved himself for you? What if?"
And then, in search of an answer, my focus shifts deeper. To the heart. My heart.
Yes, I want to give myself only to my husband one day and will be faithful to him to the best of my ability even now, and regardless of whether he has done the same for me.
But the most important thing must not be forgotten, or else all purpose in waging war on desire and temptation which leads to sin is lost and I am overcome. I must remember this timeless, unchanging truth:
I may not be a bride by the world's standards. While my friends discuss their gowns, bouquet selections and future lives with their husbands-to-be I do my best to share in their excitement. I truly am so happy for them! Their happiness is a dream come true for me too.
But I'm not in their shoes.
Yet despite the world's standards, I AM a bride. By the standards of the One who means more to me than the entire world.
You see, I walked down the aisle for the first time when I was a little girl. I said my vows, and was joined forever to my Savior, Jesus Christ. So my commitment to be faithful is to Him first and foremost. All else... well, it's just the frosting on the cake.
My eyes are on His love, and it is enough. Because I choose to love Him.
                                                       Even IF.

So if you're like me, and still seem to be going at it alone, remember that:

One, you aren't alone. Jesus waits at the altar of your heart. Say your vows. Renew them if you need to. He's there, waiting.
Two, you are complete in Him! You are not half a person just because you're only half a couple! Find what He has for you and run after Him. It might just involve a significant other, but there's only one way to find out.
Three, your commitment is to Him first. Your value is not dependent on any man.
And lastly, His grace and power are sufficient. He will not tempt beyond what you can bear. I know it isn't easy. I would be dishonest if I said it was. But it doesn't have to be like a trip to the dentist office every day of your life.
Go. Drink some hot chocolate, steal one of Santa's cookies (I KNOW he won't notice or care), join your family, find a friend. You'll be okay, I promise. :)

Why do I Write? –Words From a Chatterbox

Sometimes, it seems pointless to write. Only few–if any–read what I write. But it helps me sort my thoughts, I simply enjoy it and somehow feel like I grow from it. If someone else happens  to learn from it or is blessed in some way–wonderful!

Today I watched these two short videos from GFA (Gospel For Asia). Very inspiring. It has encouraged me to reach those around me, even if I don't get any responses right away. I especially like the story in the 2nd video, about Joseph. Even though I live in a "Christian" country, I think many of the struggles are the same. If you can find time to watch them, I very much encourage you to do so!
                                                                              (Part 1)

(Part 2)

NOTE: I don't know how many different parts there are to this series, but I know there are more than the first two that I watched.

While I'm Waiting

Lately I have been discovering the beauty in weakness, struggles, and in the face of uncertainty. In the midst of feeling totally inadequate I find myself relying all the more on my Lord. And I realize, that the harder life gets, the more I cling to the promises in His word, and the closer He draws me to Himself.
If you could have peeked into my world at the right moment yesterday you would have found me searching scripture for promises and encouragement, scribbling verses down on a piece of paper and putting that paper in my pocket to carry with me through the day. Today found me transferring the paper to my jeans pocket. I will put them below. Maybe you'll find encouragement in them, also.

Psalm 29:11
"The Lord will give strength to His people,
the Lord will bless His people with peace."


Psalm 27:1, 14
"The Lord is my Light and my Salvation; Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"


"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, wait, I say, on the Lord!"


Psalm 28:8
"The Lord is the strength of His people, a fortress of salvation for His anointed one."


John 1:18
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."


Psalm 34:4
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."


It isn't that my life has been incredibly trying or difficult of late; if I were to compare it with others I would say I have it fairly easy. But right now I am facing the unknown, and that is a big part of my struggle. I'm uncertain about a lot of things in my future and for the most part just trying to take life one day at a time, relying on God for the strength to get through each new challenge the day presents. I want desperately to take full advantage of these single years by serving Him in ways that I might find it hard to serve in if/when I am married, but I'm uncertain how that might come into play in my life specifically. I have been seeking His will and at the same time serving Him in the one way I do know He desires: Right here. Right now. The song "While I'm waiting" by John Waller comes to mind.
Sure, the little things may not seem so important to others. But they're important to Him! I'll be posting some of what I've been/will be doing here on my blog.

Blessings to you!

                                           Victoria Christine

Old Heart, New Heart

My heart was unclean, dirty and full of sin. Even when I managed to hide it from some, I knew–and One other knew–that inside, I was a mess. Scars from past mistakes telling the stories I found too painful to speak of, even at my young age I was headed down a dangerous road.    

Everything I sought to fix the condition I was in only made things worse, adding even more scars and brokenness to my condition. My heart gave in as the habits proved stronger, leaving me broken and ashamed.

My habits and sinful tendencies held me down and I was not free to live the life I so desperately desired. I saw the beautiful hearts of others, and jealousy filled my own. Among other things, Hate, Envy and Dishonesty grew in abundance, while I saw in other's heart's Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self-control.

Then one day, I swallowed my pride enough to approach one that I knew possessed a clean heart such as I so desired. The joy in their heart was evident as they told me about the Maker of Hearts. I was told that He could do more than heal my scars, He could give me a brand new heart, free of charge. But I had to come to Him admitting my own failures and shortcomings, acknowledging my inability to fix myself. I had to place my heart in His hands and trust that He knew what He was doing, that the work He had done and would do for me was sufficient. With nowhere else to turn, finally I gave my broken heart to this Heart-maker.
What I received in return, was oh, so much better than the heart I once possessed!

Pure, beautiful and new, it was more than I could have dreamed! That day I committed to allowing the Maker to continue the work He had begun in my new heart.

He planted a seed in my heart and as the Sonshine and His reign came, I learned what the seed was, and the purpose of my heart. 

Beautiful things began to grow and come out of the new heart He had given me; the seed began to produce in abundance. I learned that the whole purpose in having a new heart was that I could now sincerely love Him and love others, without the selfish motives and sinful desires that once plagued me and grew out of my old, sinful heart. 

I know what it is like to have an impure heart, full of darkness, choked with things that bring only pain and guilt. 

And now I know what it is like to have a pure heart, full of Light and the good things I was intended to have. 

Never, ever would I wish for my old heart back!

The Maker of Hearts is Jehovah, God the Creator of the universe.

The Seed that was planted in my heart is the Gospel.

What grew out of my new heart are the good things I once only saw in the lives of others: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control.

What has also grown in me is the desire that all would see through my life and story the opportunity to receive a new heart from the Maker, also. 

My life has been transformed by Him and I am eternally grateful for the new heart He have me! 

If you would like to know more about anything I've said here, please, PLEASE contact me with any questions you may have. 

That the Blind may See

When I see the beauty of the world around me... I can't help but wonder how it is that people are blind to the Creator. His creation is amazing. I mean totally incredible! It's beyond my comprehension. And it's "nothing" in comparison to Him. When people deny God's existence, I can't help but think "Are you blind?!" 

But the sad truth is, many are. And it is only through the grace of God and His hand of healing that we who are saved have come to see, recognize and know Him. Someone–multiple someones, in fact–were praying for me when my eyes were opened and I saw Jesus for the first time. Now I have the honor–the blessing–of standing in prayer on behalf of the blind. Will you join me?

Broken Baby

Yesterday I was going through my younger siblings toys, organizing and throwing out junk and broken ones. I came across a baby doll that had obviously encountered a dog or other animal of similar taste at some point because one leg had been chewed off. I threw it away, only to receive protest from Olivia when she saw it in the trash. I explained to her that it was broken, but she continued to protest–she likes playing pretend with the baby doll, even though it is broken. Finally she walked away, but her words remained and echoed in my heart and mind.

Other broken toys she understood being thrown away, but there was something about  the baby; she couldn't stand to think of it being in the trash.

But how often do we have this mentality in "real life?" If something isn't perfect, unbroken, and "whole," we subconsciously label it "garbage." Is it any wonder, then, that so many view the brokenness in this world with disdain and/or disgust? That, for many, when a mother is told there is a chance her child could be born with a disability, it is almost assumed that she will get an abortion and end her child's life.
When something is broken, we throw it away. If something is scarred, we attempt to cover it up or hide it. If something is different from the "norm" in some way, it is considered a negative thing.
But what does God say about brokenness?

Matthew 5:3-4
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
Jesus displayed a heart of compassion for the broken, healing many. Did He physically heal everyone? No. We know that ultimately, we will be healed. But as we walk on this earth some of us have been chosen to show even more clearly His grace, and His strength in our weaknesses. Sometimes we don't understand why He allows things, but we can find comfort in knowing that the suffering, pain and hardships in this life will one day pass away, and this flesh is only temporary: 

Revelation 21:4"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

And in the midst of suffering we know that "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted" (Psalm 34:18).

But how are we to deal with brokenness? What should our response be?

Psalm 82:3"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and
 oppressed." 

As Christians, God has given us the blessing of spreading His love and hope, and the privilege to be His hands and feet. He has commissioned us to reach the broken!
I'm reminded of the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. There is beauty in brokenness! Light shines even brighter when it is in the midst of darkness.

Isn't it amazing that God can use the simplicity of a child to reveal His heart? I realized that my thinking was faulty. Will I keep every broken toy/object? No, certainly not, this is only an illustration/object lesson. though I may think more about re-purposing beforehand. (;
But God used this to show me a bit of His heart. And it was a learning experience for both Olivia and I. I told her that she was right, just because something is broken doesn't mean we should throw it away, and God makes people different this way sometimes. We took her baby out of the trash, and I showed her a video of Nick Vujicic to help her understand and to familiarize her with the reality of brokenness in the world. She watched it with great interest. After the video she took her baby (we found clothes for it and dressed it) and played with it for awhile. Sweet little one! I see God at work in her even at her age, and I'm looking forward to seeing how God will use her!

Here is a link to the music video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrV_ZvwZRvw

Thanks for reading! Blessings to you!

                               Victoria Christine