"Shine like the top of the Chrysler building!"

“With a sigh, the young woman got on her knees and for the hundredth time began the unpleasant task of cleaning one of the two bathrooms in her family's home. She looked around somewhat dejectedly at the disaster area around her (compliments of her younger siblings); this was going to take awhile. Though she felt like complaining, she knew that to do so would be pointless and so tried to accept the task ahead of her.

Her thoughts were soon far away from stinky toilets and toothpaste-works-of-art, however, as she imagined herself in distant lands caring for orphaned babies desperately in need of love, or on a farm in the country where she lived happily ever after with the man of her dreams, or perhaps still here at home, but running a successful photography business.

But suddenly helpless infants, prince charming and professional photography disappeared into the lands of “not now,” “you wish” and “maybe later” as her younger sister entered the bathroom jamming out with that ever-so-popular dance known and recognized across the globe- and accompanied by the desperate cry all-to-common among toddlers and small children “I haaaave to go pooooootttttyyyy!”

With another sigh and determined to be patient with the young one, she asked, “Can't you go potty upstairs in the other bathroom?” “Nooooooo! Somebody's innnn theeere!” her sister wailed as her dance became even more frantic.

And so she rose from her knees and left the room as her sister ran in, slamming the door behind her. “

In case it isn't obvious, this is me, on just about any given day of my life. Dull is my middle name and boring happens to be my last. Seemingly meaningless tasks tend to consume the better part of my day, and somehow in between it all I search for meaning and a purpose.

When I kneel to scrub the crap off the toilet or find myself picking clothes up off the floor for the billionth time (when there's a laundry hamper RIGHT THERE!) it can be hard to keep focused. I find myself wishing for something different. Especially when my work goes entirely unrecognized by the world. I can make a toilet “shine like the top of the Chrysler building” as well as any world-renown artist can elegantly bathe a canvas, and yet somehow I'm the one in the shadows! How come there are no news articles screaming, “World-famous janitor makes toilet shine?” But noooo that's not good enough. How much lower can you get then scrubbing toilets?

But that's it! There's my purpose! There, in the midst of humble pie and my just desserts, is purpose and meaning. Don't get it? Bear with me.

This morning I read the bible to my younger siblings in place of my mom, who was at a doctor's appointment. How appropriately suited to me at this time are these verses in Matthew 20, which I found among those assigned me in our daily devotional bible:

“Jesus called them together and said, 'You know that those whoa re regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.' ”

Am I better than the King of Kings and Lord of Lords? Am I somehow more worthy of recognition and honor then the Creator of the universe?! I think not!

His life was one of servitude and sacrifice! He washed the who-wants-to-know-what off of His disciples feet! And He said He did it in order to set an example for us.

So what is my purpose? The same as was my Masters. To serve the Father, and to allow Him to use me in whatever way He so chooses in order to further bring about His purpose and His glorious Kingdom. And while the world looks with disdain upon those who are given the seemingly menial tasks, He honors humility. It would be a shame on me if I sought only that which would bring me glory, honor or fame!

Does this mean I particularly enjoy cleaning bathrooms? Not really. But it does mean that I do find JOY in serving not only my family, but my Father. And admittedly, I actually do have fun in the process in spite of myself, especially when I get my younger bro in on it!

Yesterday as I was cleaning the toilet I had him scrubbing the shower, and randomly he said “DON'T turn the shower on.” This, of course, was an obvious mistake on his part, as his older sister (yes, this one) has yet to outgrow her mischievous tendencies and natural fun-loving desires.

Within a minute or so I turned around to inspect his work and pointed out the “need” for extra scrubbing in the far back corner. Not at all anticipating my next move, he scooted farther into the shower as he reached for the spot I'd indicated.

Seconds later cold water was showering full-blast upon him- and I was laughing hysterically. Unfortunately, with an exclamation of surprise as he stomped out of the room it was soon evident he'd not found it as humorous or enjoyable as I. After a few angry tears (yes, for real), however, he returned to his work- though as yet he remains cautious when cleaning the shower and closes and locks the door to that half of the bathroom. Oops. (;

So I encourage you, embrace the tasks that have been given you-- wherever you may find yourself in life. Whether its scrubbing toilets, filing papers, or mowing the lawn. For even Jesus came, not to be served, but to serve. And who knows? You might even have fun, if you let yourself.

Your sister in Christ,

Victoria Christine

Be Content

"The young couple sat side by side on the porch swing, rocking back and forth enjoying a rare moment of silence.
They had made the decision to never be alone together so as to hold them accountable, and so it was that the young woman's parents sat across the porch from them talking quietly of the happenings of the day, every once in awhile casting a watchful glance in their direction.

"Sara..." the young man interrupted the silence, as he turned to address the young woman at his side. "Yes?" she nearly jumped at the sudden interruption of her thoughts. Sara looked up shyly for a moment before once again resting her gaze upon the rose bushes which bordered the porch of her parent's house.
Fidgeting nervously with his jacket for a moment and then placing his hands awkwardly in his lap, he finally took a deep breath and said, slowly but firmly, "I feel we should end our courtship."
Jumping up in astonishment and in a tone of obvious shock and disappointment she asked "What?! End our courtship?!" and quickly the tears began to flow. After having spent hours of rehearsing and anxious anticipation, he was somewhat surprised to see her reaction (he had always had a way with words) and hurriedly fell to one knee before her as he softly and tenderly said those sweet words she'd so longed to hear ever since she'd begun to realize her feelings for him, so many years prior to this moment: "Sara Elisabeth Krin, will you marry me?"
Sudden disappointment turned to sudden delight as the tears of heartache and pain were quickly succeeded and flooded over by tears of joy flowing down her now flushed cheeks. With barely a breath in between his words and her own, she left no time for him to express further the things which he'd so carefully rehearsed, and declaring with such obvious feeling and incredible passion for a woman normally so quiet and composed as she, that had he any doubt of her utmost love and affection, they were then dismissed with her words "Yes!!! I've waited so long for you Trey! I love you!"
There was a sparkle in his eyes as that smile which had so enraptured Sara for years now spread across his face, and placing the ring on her finger, he then rose to his feet as he gazed into her eyes with wonder, marveling at the goodness and kindness of the Master, who'd seen fit to write such a beautiful love story; their love story."

It is my suspicion that nearly every young woman, at some point or another in her life, has imagined a scene similar to the one described above, where the man of her dreams falls to his knees and declares his deepest heartfelt love and adoration for her, and they're off in a life of sunshine and roses living "Happily Ever After."

But life isn't always like that, is it? Often we find ourselves dragging our feet through life, full of self-pity and dissatisfaction. Or am I the only one? I think not.
I find myself wishing for something more at every turn. Sometimes I get what I want, but sometimes I don't- and that's where discontentment sets in.
Its quite like a small child who throws tantrums. We don't get exactly what we want when we want it and we pitch a pity party fit. We make ourselves useless to all but Satan as we sulk and pout.
But its time we learn something:

There will always, ALWAYS be something to lure us away from God's plan and design. Once you "catch" that guy (or girl, for any guys who may be reading this), don't think that will be the end of the temptation and evil desire. There will always be "hotter" guys or prettier girls.
We have to learn to be content, satisfied with the life we've been given. Not just in this respect, but others. There will be more money to be earned, a better job to have, more fame, success, newer cars, phones, clothes, toys, shoes, etc. The list is endless. How long will we seek the latest and greatest? Do we think that on the other side of the rainbow there are no more clouds? If, after, marriage, we are to love and cherish the gift og our spouse through every trial -in sickness and in health, rich or poor- should we not first learn to seek the true satisfaction and peace that come from God? Perhaps God has not answered your cries for that special guy/girl because, as in James 4:3- your motives are all wrong and you are only seeking pleasure, rather than the glorification of God and the advancement of His kingdom?

Learn to be content wherever God has placed you-- it's great practice! Not that what you're doing now is only practice for real life -but more preparation I'd say- for the future. We are to live in the here and now also. God desires our unswerving devotion during these single years- not our focusing on the things we don't have and would like. So learn, as I am seeking to learn, to be content under all circumstances.

~Victoria Christine

When Prince Charming Has Yet to Arrive

Do you desire to marry? Is your dream to be swept off your feet and to one day be a husband/father or wife/mother?
If so, why? Is it because you believe it will make you happy? To know pleasure in the pure context of marriage?

God has been confronting me with these questions lately. As some of you may know I've made the decision to not date, but this does not mean I do not think/dream about marriage and having my own children one day, like many young people.
I am still learning to treasure and to take advantage of my single years. It can be a challenge in our day and time, as most any single person will tell you. One reason being that in the eyes of many, being single equals rejection by the opposite sex. In many people's eyes, if you don't have that special girl, or a guy who adores you, you pretty much have no identity. Through these years God is teaching me to find satisfaction and to place my identity in Him alone; to rely on Him for fulfillment, acceptance and joy. I find myself marveling at His wisdom as I realize how incredibly wise He really is. Because truly, without these single years to teach me to focus and to rely on Him, I would enter marriage with the expectation that my husband would bring me true happiness, fulfillment, and unfailing love and devotion. In reality, only God can fill the void in your heart, only He can bring you true fulfillment, full satisfaction and unwavering devotion. Yes, a marriage/a spouse is a wonderful gift, and they bring much pleasure I am sure, but only God can truly satisfy.

So I feel like God is asking me, and perhaps you-- "Why do you desire to marry? Why do you ask Me for a spouse?" Not because He doesn't know -oh He knows us better than we know ourselves- but because He wants us to examine ourselves- our motives and desires. Last night I read this verse in James: "And even when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are all wrong--you want only what will give you pleasure."
Is that your goal in marriage? Pleasure? Or is it to glorify Him, to better serve Him?

Psalms 37:4 says "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." He wants to give us our heart's desires, but first we must learn to delight in Him, to put Him first and to have Him as our focus and to gain pleasure and satisfaction in Him. He is the only one who can truly and fully satisfy. No other can satisfy like He does!

 At times it seems He withholds from us the things we desire. Why? Because He loves us and knows what's best for us. He knows that if we go into marriage with false expectations, not only will we be disappointed, but there will be marital issues because we will be placing expectations on our spouse which he/she can not meet. They were not meant to fill the void in our hearts, God is. He needs to be number one, the focus of every relationship. Marriage is meant to glorify God and to testify of God's goodness. It is a picture which speaks of His even greater plans to one day be joined with His bride "happily ever after." The marriage commitment is a lifelong one, and it is a commitment to selfless living. It is not to be taken lightly!
And if it seems like God is taking a long time in summoning prince charming to the scene (or the princess bride, for any guys who may read this), I encourage you to be patient, rest in the knowledge of His goodness, His love, and His perfect timing. Don't give in to the pressures of this world and settle for something less than God's best!

And again, take advantage of this time of singleness! As Paul says in 1 Corinthians, "But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and spirit." Take advantage of the single years to "serve the Lord without distraction." Learn to trust God now, it will better prepare you for trials later on.
As someone once said, "Our greatest need is for a Savior-- God met that need, why should we not trust Him with the lesser need of providing a spouse?"

I hope you were challenged, encouraged and blessed in reading this-- may God give you not only the patience to wait, but joy and gladness in serving Him as you do!

Sincerely, your sister in the Lord,

                               Victoria Christine Bullock 




 

~For Girls~

You are beautiful. You are valuable, and you are loved. Do you believe that?
I thought I believed that of myself, but up until recently, I'm not so sure I did.

I'd like to share about an experience I had while on my latest trip to New Mexico.

Note: Though I do believe the Church is not a building but the body of Christ, for the sake of my own sanity and due to my current impatience in relation to the subject, all uses of the word "Church" in this post will be in reference to a building which has been utilized for the gathering of believers.

 It was on a Sunday afternoon. Just hours before this moment in time, I'd dragged myself out of bed and prepared to attend a service at one of the local Navajo Churches. I made the mistake of not  checking the weather before deciding what to wear to the service. I wore a dress (a rare occurrence), and it was -as it often is in this part of New Mexico- windy. It was a struggle to keep my dress from flying up into my face as I clutched my bible and a few belongings in one hand and held my dress down with the other and hurriedly made my way to the van which would then carry me and some others to the Church where the service was to be held.
The Church was what many in other parts of the US would consider small, but in comparison to some of the other Churches on or around the Navajo reservation (which, to give you an idea of the general size of some of the churches as far as the building is concerned, if they even had a restroom(s) with running water, they had only recently been added onto the main building structure) it was large, well-furnished with nice bathrooms, and several large rooms which included a good-sized kitchen.

At this particular moment, I was sitting in the sanctuary of that Navajo Church, tears flowing like Niagra Falls had relocated, taking up residence on my person, and make-up smeared all over my face (ugh, I never have cared for that crap) as if I was two again and had decided to try my hand at cosmetology.
Four young ladies, including my sister and one of my closest friends, gathered around me to pray as I shared some things I'd been struggling with, and asked for prayer regarding my future/upcoming decisions and some other various things I'll not be sharing on here. I listened as two of them, a bit older and wiser than myself, shared words of encouragement and wisdom.
Then one of them asked me something that totally threw me off and sent me into a whirl of momentary confusion. It was something like this, "Has Satan been saying things to you, and speaking lies to you in your head?"
Honestly it quite freaked me out for a few seconds as I attempted to discern WHAT on earth she was saying/implying. Though confusion was painted on my face as clearly as the make-up, I firmly shook my head "no."
With her next few sentences came sudden clarity. "Has he been telling you that you're not worth anything, that you're not beautiful, and not valuable?" With this the tears fell afresh as I realized the simple accuracy of her words. This time I nodded yes, and I almost think for a second I detected a hint of a smile as she realized my confusion and explained her meaning. Her next words were something like this: "But Satan IS lying to you when you feel those things. That IS him telling you those lies!"

After that experience, and the love and encouragement I received through it, I decided to share what was given to me.
You see, maybe you're where I was. You feel worthless, unloved, like nobody cares for you, that you're of little value.
It made no sense that I felt that way, and it may make no sense to you and/or others either. I have one of the most loving and accepting families on the planet, and a God who is even more so, yet I still struggled with it. I have close friends who I can trust and who are a huge blessing to me, yet I still struggled with some insecurities and doubts even if only in a small way. But even in a small way it affected my life and attitude/outlook.

I'm convinced that this very issue is linked to many young women's decisions to live a promiscuous and sinful lifestyle. They believe the lies Satan throws at them (from movies, to music, to books, to magazines, and even our society) saying they're not beautiful unless they're a certain height, a certain weight, with certain features, and a certain personality. That they're not worth anything unless they have certain clothes, shoes, make-up and accessories. That they're not cool unless they live in a certain house, have a certain car, certain friends, and a certain boyfriend. That they're not valuable unless they have certain talents, certain gifts, and a certain level of influence among society. That they're not loved unless they have guys dragging them into bed (forgive my bluntness but I see no point in sugar-coating what is so obvious) and taking them to every dance and football game. Many struggle to fit the world's definition of valuable, beautiful, cool, and loved, and when they fail to meet the requirements, they seek acceptance from other individuals/groups. They turn to drugs, drinking/partying, and a life of sexual sin, etc.

You see, I'd begun to believe the lies, and to doubt and forget just how loved, valued, accepted, beautiful and secure I really am. But as was God's intent for His body, when the foot tripped, the hand was able to reach out and regain stability and I was once again on my feet, thankfully before I'd managed to acquire any scrapes or bruises.

And now, hear this from me. You are loved! Oh SO loved! And regardless of all physical appearance, you ARE beautiful. You are valued! God created you to be YOU. Not your sister, not your neighbor, not your friend, not that popular girl at school, not the movie stars or the famous musicians or models, but YOU. He has a unique purpose for your life, and He so desires your love and affection, He so desires that you would see how much He cares about YOU as an individual. You'll never find satisfaction or fulfillment in the world. It is like a plague or disease that eats away at you and bit by bit sucks the life out of you. It's always seeking the newest styles, the newest fashions and trends, the "hottest boyfriend," the latest cool stuff etc.
You don't need that, and you don't want that life. It's not worth it.
God loves you, He created you with a purpose, and you are beautiful in more ways than you realize!
You have a choice. You can choose to live in God's reality and in His love and acceptance, or you can believe the lies and seek a life of acceptance and fulfillment elsewhere. But be warned: the latter is a nasty battle for wealth, fame and success. And it is an endless pursuit of happiness.


I left that Church/service and that circle of love and encouragement changed, with a new perspective and such a sweet sense of peace, love, joy, acceptance and security. It is my hope that this has encouraged you and that you have read it and been blessed as I was in hearing it from others.

Much love from your sister in the Lord,
                                  
           Victoria Christine

P.s. If this post struck a chord in you and you've been struggling and would like me to be in prayer for you, feel free to contact me. I can promise you I will pray! I do not take such requests lightly. My e-mail is: t0ri4jesus@yahoo.com 
I can give you other contact information via e-mail if you'd like but I don't list other personal information on public sites.   

Challenges

Wow. It's been quite awhile since I last updated my blog! I would apologize if I thought anyone actually read it, but...  well, on the slim chance that someone actually does, I'm sorry!

Life. It's been very challenging. As some of you know, I've been actively pursuing photography for awhile now, and honestly it's going as well (if not better) than could be expected. I've been blessed with the temporary use of a camera (for those interested, it's the Nikon D60), and being given that opportunity has only confirmed all the more to me that this is something I feel God has placed before me for me to pursue. I've prayed about it, and it just seems like every door leading to photography is opened wide for me to pass through. I am SO grateful for the kindness, generosity, and support so many have shown me, and for the grace and mercy of God to make His way so clear.
As I said though, it's been challenging. The mere interaction with so many different individuals (many strangers) just in the learning process of photography (though I know I'll never achieve all knowledge of the craft, I hope to at least have the basics down at some point, lol), and anticipating many many more such interactions as a professional photographer... it's intimidating to say the least. To suddenly have people depending on me and expecting so much when I feel so inadequate to fulfill their expectations/requests... yeah, it's definitely a challenge! But I find that it is during the times of greatest challenge in life, and the abandonment of my comfy safe zone that I grow the most, and that I learn the most. But that doesn't make it any less easy! I'm still nervous and intimidated.
Yes, even talkative me is shy and quiet at times (feel free to gasp in astonishment)!

I'm not too far off from buying my own camera-- not exactly the one I really want, but it will do the job nicely till I can actually afford the one I want. I've been asked to take pictures of a family of 10 (my "biggest" challenge yet!) and some others are waiting on me to get it together to take their pictures (or the more professional way to say it, "photograph them"... or shoot, whichever you prefer).

In the midst of all this and other various goings on, I am trying to be careful to not get caught up in the "big, important things" that I miss the things that are really truly important in life. It's been a test of priorities, and yet another challenge. It's teaching me to consider carefully what I value most. Being "successful," or "important" are not my goals. And yet, especially as I learn from other photographers whose goals and priorities are very much different then my own, it can be hard to not get caught up in it all as they have and be swept away in the mad search for fulfillment and satisfaction in "success."

As a child of God, simply put, my purpose/goal is to maintain a close relationship with Him and His people, and to lead others to discover, as I have, the wonder of a love relationship with the God of the universe. Being a photographer only defines the ways in which I fulfill that purpose! Oh that I may not lose sight of Him and His will in this mad world!

If you feel like there was little or no point to this post... well, it's probably because I'm not sure what the point was, I just felt like it was time for a new blog post. :)
If you will, please be praying for continued guidance and provision on my behalf. Thanks for reading!

~Victoria Christine Bullock

What now, Lord?

It's been a couple months since my last blog post, and I decided to give a general update about what's been going on in my life.

I graduated from high-school this year, and many people have been asking, "so, what are you going to do now?"
In answer to their questions I've given some possibilities of things I'm considering, but never a hard set-in-concrete answer. If I am to be completely honest, I don't know yet! 
The same questions others are asking me, I've been asking God for months, maybe years. "God, what next? What do you want me to do with my life? It'd be reaaaaaaaaalllly nice if you could, like, let me know. Soon." (I tend to be very honest and to-the-point with God, can you tell?).
I know I'm not the only one who has just graduated and is undergoing the same pressures to decide NOW what I'm going to do with my life, as I am hearing of similar struggles/confusion from my friends. Some would say I should have thought about it before now so I'd know what I want to do, but I have! God has just not yet shown me what He'd have me do, and I'm waiting on Him and trusting that He will guide me to the right door and open it at the right time in my life. I feel like, for the time being at least, that God has me where He wants me. He has been opening smaller doors (windows, perhaps? :-) which I feel may lead to bigger ones, but for now I'm taking one step at a time.
I don't want to rush into something or choose a career out of sheer desperation or pressure from family, friends, or our society in general, because I am convinced it is often those who do so that end up unhappy with their decision and regret their choices later on. I want God's will for my life because I know that I will find joy and peace in my obedience- even if it means that His will for me is to stay at home and help my parents (oh tragedy of tragedies, lol).

However, God has already been opening some doors and providing new opportunities and I'm very excited to see what He has for me next! Here's what's been happening:

-Through odd and seemingly random events He's provided the opportunity for me to help out on a farm nearby and also get help with training my stubborn horse (truly a blessing).

-He's blessed me with friends/family who are on a similar path, who also encourage and support me and we've been meeting together multiple times a week to study the bible, pray, sing, and various other things. I'm so grateful for these people and I don't know what I'd do without them!

-I and some others are discussing/planning to begin reaching out to the poor/homeless in the Winchester area and we are super excited to see what God's going to do through us and in the lives of others!

-I am practicing to become better at photography and am looking into ways I can incorporate it into mission type work either here in VA or possibly, eventually (like, maybe years from now), beyond here. I very much enjoy photography and would love to be able to combine my interest in photography with my passion for missions work. I've really been feeling more and more the desire to do mission-type work, and God has really stirred a longing in my heart to help the poor, and orphans especially. For some reason I've been inclined to research some about people/children with down syndrome, and that seems to be coming up a lot lately- I'm not sure exactly what this might mean, but we'll see what God does. :)

And so, those are the main things I've been up to lately, aside from my general work at home and with daycare kids. I just thought I'd share and then if anybody was curious they could read what I'm up to- and hopefully this answered some questions. :)

I have found these verses to be especially encouraging to me at this time in my life, I hope you find them to be of encouragement to you, also! 

"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."
~Psalm 139:16


"Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you."
~Psalm 37:5


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
~Proverbs 3:5-6


"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"
~Jeremiah 29:11

New Mexico & A Brownie Search

I'm home!
For those of you who may not know, some of my siblings, two friends and I went to NM on a missions trip to minister to the Navajo people, and to visit some close friends.
The trip was amazing! God touched my life in many ways and once again I left feeling as if I'd gained more than I'd given! The Spitlers and staff at CFAN (Christ For All Nations), as well as the Navajo believers, welcomed us like family and it was such a blessing and honor to be given the opportunity to come alongside them and minister to the Navajo people through various ways.


One story in particular I'd like to share with you, as it made a big impact on my life and greatly encouraged me.
 It began before our trip and didn't end till some days after we got there, but for the sake of keeping the story as much as possible as I experienced it, I'd like to begin on last Friday afternoon when some of our group went on a long ATV (or four-wheeler, as we call them) ride. At one point when we were far back on the reservation we saw one of the Spitler's dogs chasing some wild horses. As it is fairly common for the dogs to follow us on our rides we didn't think anything of it and continued on our ride. When we got back, however, we realized the dog, Brownie, hadn't followed us home.
Thus began the search for Brownie. Several people went out on the Rez looking for her, mainly on the four-wheelers.
Finally, as the sun began to set, my friend Lindsay, and I decided at the last minute to ride out on our own on the four-wheelers) and look for her.
Our first mistake was not bringing a flashlight. Our second mistake was not bringing a cel phone. And our third mistake was not checking the gas tank. These three things resulted in the two of us at the bottom of a small canyon (in comparison to other places it was small, but in reality to two teenage girls at night, it was HUGE), in the dark, with no flashlights or cel phones, and running nerve-rackingly low on gas. Scared, but determined, we pressed on, shouting for Brownie and hoping with everything within us that she'd bark and come running. At one point Lindsay was (and still is) sure she heard her bark, just once, and we listened and looked, but neither of us heard her from that point on.
To our dismay we finally had to end our search as it was by this time completely dark and in the middle of a canyon with wild animals (and gangs in the near vicinity I might add) is not the safest place to be. Not to mention we knew we were really low on gas. I'll be honest, we were scared. Yet in the middle of it all, I was at peace. I'm so grateful I knew and could rely on Christ! We were talking and I remember Lindsay asking if I was scared and me saying that though I was to some extent, I knew it would all work out for our good and God's glory.


So, we began the ride back home, still listening out for Brownie, hoping to hear her bark and see her familiar form take shape out of the darkness (though as I pointed out, even had we seen her come running I'd have jumped out of my skin before I realized it was her). Then, suddenly we came around a curve and for a few seconds we were positively terrified, and my heart felt as if it'd stopped in mid-beat.
There was a man on a four-wheeler ahead, just sitting there, not moving.
But sudden terror turned to sudden relief as we got closer and realized it was Lindsay's dad, and boy were we relieved! We decided to resume our search for Brownie again, feeling much more confident, yet to our dismay still could not find her and so were forced to return home.
Just as their house and the mission base came in sight, we ran out of gas. Thank God for reserved tanks! We made it home with a little gas to spare and though we were still worried about Brownie, we were grateful to be back safe and sound!
That night nobody slept well, as the dog still could not be found and we knew that if she were out all alone on the Rez at night, the odds were stacked high against her. To make matters worse, we were scheduled to leave early the next morning, Saturday, for a trip to Mesa Verde in Colorado. 
The next morning we awoke and Brownie still had not been found nor had she shown up at the house, and we began to lose hope of ever seeing her again. With little excitement and much sadness we got up early the next morning, packed our picnic lunch and prepared to leave.
Finally, behind schedule and with everyone very much not in the mood for a sight-seeing trip, we loaded up and got in the vans, only to hear, "okay now everybody get out we're going to pray before we leave" and everyone got out and joined hands in a circle. Lindsay's dad, Daniel, led the prayer and just before he said amen, Tracy -Lidnsay's mom- said, "and bring Brownie home safe," and with that we said "amen." Then, as everyone turned to leave, someone (I still don't know who) shouted, "BROWNIE!!!!" and we all turned to look, hardly daring to hope. But sure enough and to our amazement, standing there behind us like she'd been there all along, was Brownie. In a matter of a few seconds she was smothered in hugs, kisses and tears of joy.  


After a few minutes spent with the dog and with much gratitude we loaded up in the vans and set off, now excited and looking forward to our trip.
That night as I was writing in my journal and thinking of the day's events I came across some bible verses in my journal that out of my inborn curiousity I decided to look up in my bible, which then led me to some verses in Luke 17. In this particular chapter I came across a verse where the disciples asked Jesus to show them how to increase their faith. I couldn't understand why Jesus didn't just give them an answer and the directions for growing faith, and marveled at what He DID say. He gave them a short lecture on what faith could do and then went on to talk about serving God with humility as an unworthy servant doing his/her duty.
I felt as if He hadn't given them a direct answer and for some reason it really bugged me that I couldn't understand why.
But I continued on looking for maybe some clue as to how to find the answer to their query about faith, and I discovered that right after His statements about faith and serving God He continued on His way toward Jerusalem, then as I read on, I became increasingly amazed. Jesus came across the ten lepers and healed them, and only the one man came and praised God. Jesus last words to the man sank deep in my heart, "Stand up and go, your faith has healed you."
How awesome is that? I mean, it may be assuming too much, but though I don't find it mentioned in the bible it seems fairly obvious to me that the disciples were with Him, and I find it awesome that though he didn't directly answer their question, He provided an opportunity for them to grow in that area.
I realized that sometimes, rather than answer our prayers/questions verbally or with a direct and to-the-point answer, God provides opportunities for growth in that specific area of our lives.


As I continued on with this train of thought, something began nagging me... what had I prayed for (that'll teach you to be careful what ya pray for, huh?!?!)?


I began searching in my journal through recent entries and in the middle of my prayers for our trip, and written just three days before we left, I found this prayer: "Take my fears and doubts and replace them with trust, faith, hope, and love through you. Cause my faith to grow, & show me how to take a stand."


I was amazed as it all sank in... just like what Jesus did with the disciples on their "trip" to Jerusalem, through an experience on the very trip I'd been praying about, He provided an opportunity for me to grow in answer to my prayer. The funny thing is, He also used my love for animals to spur me along in the process! I was very upset about the dog and Lindsay and I both cried (and she wasn't even my dog!), and so I went with Lindsay to look for her. On the search I had to trust that it would all work out for our good and His glory. I had to have faith in God, that He would remain faithful to His promises to protect and guide us. I had to be hopeful in that Brownie would come back even gainst all odds, and my love for my friends and even for animals spurred me on to keep searching, and to be there as much as possible for my friends.


So, all that being said... be careful what you pray for! :D
I hope you enjoyed reading this and that maybe it strengthened or encouraged you in some way.
I believe that when God teaches a person something, or when God really "grows" them through an experience like that, when they share the experience with others, the blessing of the experience is not only on the person who experienced it, but those that the person took the time to share it with! So I hope you go away from reading this marveling at God's goodness, and blessed through reading/hearing of my experience!


To God be glory, how wonderful and good He is to us His children!


~Victoria C. Bullock